I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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