She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
