you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
