I murdered the dance floor call the cops
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
