Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
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