Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
