I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
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