I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Randomize
