He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Randomize
