Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
