I think that we as people have rights and that we should at the very least be warned before being subjected to Fergie
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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