Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Randomize
