I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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