Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
