he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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