Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
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