Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
