Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
