Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I will pee on everything he values.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
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