Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
