i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
