I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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