it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
