my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Randomize
