I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
