sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
