you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
