Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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