good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
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