somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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