If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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