i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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