yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
