why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
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