he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Bring me that man meat
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
