She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
