I'm gonna have a badass scar
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
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