And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize
