Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
