I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
