Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I did not marry a roomba.
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