it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
