I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
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