ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Randomize
