He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
