I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I want her autograph on my taint
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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