You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
