I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
