You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
