I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I think we might need a safe word for this...
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