Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
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