Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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