I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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