Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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